BECCA FOLEY - CLASS OF 2015 Icy roads, a few feet of snow, and below zero temperatures have made this winter one of the best Falmouth has seen in recent years. Every night from December until March, the FHS student body consulted the Snow Day Calculator to decide whether or not to do their homework, and the results were always correct. Every time a snow day came around, the administration effectively alerted parents to changes in the schedule for the week, sending emails using the terms "CX Day" and "shortened AFT", knowing the parents would understand these acronyms, and pass along the message, without fail, to their children.
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SETAREH JALALI & GINA PARDI - CLASS OF 2016 As most people know, March 8th was International Women’s “Day.” This “day” was marked by numerous events, such as celebrations, parades, and demonstrations. Multiple celebrities also tweeted to celebrate the occasion while also reminding people how far we still have to go for gender equality. However, it just so happened that this “day” fell on daylight savings, meaning there were only 23 hours to celebrate women. According to the Oxford Dictionary, a “day” is defined as a period of 24 hours as a unit of time. With that being said, it appears that International Women’s “Day” was not really a day, but merely a 23 hour celebration. ISABEL WOLFE - CLASS OF 2015 If a casual passerby walked in front of Falmouth High on Thursday, March 12, between 12:15 and 12:30 PM, or on Friday, March 20, between 12:15 and 12:30 PM, he or she would be shocked to see a huge mass of students standing outside the school. These students, it turns out, had flooded out of the building after the screams of a fire alarm had pierced the previously peaceful morning. The first time, students were unprepared for the frigid March temperatures. Many were wearing shoes without socks, and few had their coats. They waited for what seemed like an eternity, staring at the conspicuously non-burning building and almost wishing it would erupt in flames like a huge bonfire. At least then the school grounds would be warm. The only non-shivering stoic was Jorma Kurry, who admitted to taking daily ice baths for his constitution. Fortunately for the rest of the crowd, the Falmouth Fire Department, only a few miles away, mobilized at light speed ‒ fire trucks arrived on the scene only 15 minutes later! When all was said and done, life returned to normal… or so FHS thought. SCOTT LAMBERT - CLASS OF 2015 College Board has released a series of videos on its website with "stunning quality and far-reaching implications," according to the Oscars awards committee. ISABEL WOLFE - CLASS OF 2015 Do you want to ace your exams? Impress your teachers? Enter second semester with a clean slate? Of course you do! Fortunately, the traditional, tedious method of preparing for exams by studying has been replaced by a more innovative approach. Now, rather than being “stressed for success,” you only need to be “dressed for success”. New findings suggest that imitating a teacher’s style as you take their exam practically guarantees you an A, for several reasons. SCOTT LAMBERT - CLASS OF 2015 Last Wednesday, two extremely large toddlers armed with machine guns invaded the offices of Charlie Hebdo, a satirical newspaper in France, fatally shooting twelve of its staff. The massacre exemplifies what sociologist Elaine Merrill calls a "worrying trend": that some toddlers never learn to resolve conflicts in a productive and harmless manner, even as they approach adulthood. "Part of the problem is that these kids never learned to laugh at themselves, and never developed psychologically," Merrill says, "evidenced by the fact that they respond to jokes by yelling and shooting wildly in the direction of the joke." JOEY HAN - CLASS OF 2017 & BROOKE BAZARIAN - CLASS OF 2016 Are you a student in FHS, and feel there’s something lacking in your life? You want to be different from the crowd, but at the same time be just like everyone else? Want to simply seem quirky and unique? Then this is the guide for you. With only 5 steps you can become a certified, genuine, and bonafide HIPSTER. SCOTT LAMBERT - CLASS OF 2015 A new study has found that a majority of the males (51%) working or studying at Falmouth High now flush after using a urinal. Principal Palmer, who championed the study, hailed this result as a “historic achievement” for Falmouth High. MAX BRAUTIGAM - CLASS OF 2016 In an attempt to make English Language education more efficient at Falmouth High School, administrators have decided to do away with books. The decision came after concerns that actually reading the assigned novels was wasting the students’ time. To save this precious time, while still letting students learn just as well, the new English curriculum only asks that the students read the SparkNotes on each book.
COLE WALSH - CLASS OF 2015 It’s a brisk morning as I pull up to Starbucks, dreaming of the staple of my morning routine: coffee. Pike’s Place? Blonde Roast? Macchiato? The options swirl uncontrollably in my head. Which will taste better--a butter croissant? No. A blueberry scone, or maybe some lemon cake? The possibilities are endless. Then I notice the unusually long line to the drive-through window. I can usually expect at least a 5-7 minute wait on any given morning, but today, a solid 15 minutes stand between me and my coffee. I can’t skip the coffee--I need it to survive the impending confusion of a CX day. Then it hits me--the only possible reason for the line encircling Key Bank. The perfect combination of cinnamon, nutmeg, and clove. The sweet sensation of fall in a cup. The most tangible form of love in the world. That’s right, folks: the Pumpkin Spice Latte has returned. BLAIR LINDBERG - CLASS OF 2016 When you have the flu, do you vomit on your friends? Or when you’re at a party--most likely you aim for an open space, rather than your best buds lap; so why do we regularly emotionally vomit on our friends? By the metaphor of vomit, I mean poisoning other peoples’ vibe--you’re mentally vomiting on your buddies by being a constant Debbie Downer. |